Fear -PART III
‘We are not afraid of the darkness but the fear of not able to see anything‘
We talk about gender equality. Have we ever thought from where this inequality comes from.? When a child is born, does he/she starts behaving according to the gender. When hungery does a boy cry differently then a girl, or smile or laugh differently. No, it does’nt. It is the parents or other people who make differentiation. Blue for the boy and pink for the girl. If a baby boy is dressed in pink, do you think he will protest or vise-a-versa. The grown ups give dolls to the girls and cars to the boys. Slowly the distinction start getting more and more marked
Right from the early years the boys are made aware that they are strong. Don’t weep when you fall down and get hurt, because you are a strong boy. And poor child in the fears of appearing weak, puts on a brave front.. When he comes crying because some other child beat him or he lost while playing, what is parents response? Oh, you are a boy, be strong and next time fight back and give him nicely.
So by the time child is ready to start schooling, he is well aware of his superiority and expectations attached to it and he is constantly under pressure to behave accordingly. Through out the school years he is pushed to go for sports and other things which will make him strong and masculine. Poor child just because of fear he may do things which he may not enjoy or like. But who has the time to ask him what he would like to do, be it parents, teachers or others around him. Even if they know, it may not be a good idea in their opinion.
By the time he reaches age 20, it is cemented in him that he has to earn a living and take the responsibilities of family being male member. And he is constantly under the pressure to perform well. For the fear of upsetting his parents, he would choose the career according to their expectations. After all as a son he is duty-bound. Do we realise the plight of a young man, who has fear of not being successful. He may have different aspirations and expectation from life but most of the time he would not dare to venture. What if it does not work out? He may become a subject of radicule among the society. As he goes further the fears keep increasing, to perform better. After marriage to be an ideal husband and a father. Poor thing , he dare not think about himself as an individual. Is’nt ‘rooted in fear’ says it all.
Fear has a crippling effect on not just body but mind also. We associate fear with only external factors but it is more to do with our own self. The question is how to remove it? First of all, we need to acknowledge it and then try to get over it little by little. If it is too late for present generation, we can make a conscious effort to set our children free from the burden of expectations. This may pave the path towards living without fear of failure.
This is in continuation on of fear series PART – I & II
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